


Still Worth Dying For

by HubcapsAndAshtrays



Category: Orange is the New Black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:04:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4726961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HubcapsAndAshtrays/pseuds/HubcapsAndAshtrays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, Alex Vause is an experienced soldier in the US army, Piper Chapman is a fresh faced soldier just out of training. A chance meeting and a series of interconnected events will determine their future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hope for the days when I feel like I've lost everything

**A/N:** Hello again! Don't worry I haven't abandoned All We Are for this new shiny fic AWA is still underway and will be updated very soon. I just couldn't get my mind off of this idea that's been circling around in my cluttered brain for a while. Sadly this is only a short one 6 chapters at the VERY most, it was originally meant to be a one-shot but you know how these things are and the suckier my life gets the more I seem to drown myself in fiction… so yeah.

On a different note this is going to be slightly fluffier than my previous fic (I say slightly because let's be honest how fluffy can a fic set in a war-zone really be?) I don't know anything about war or soldiers or anything military I did some google research so I'm sorry if I made mistakes or somethings sound fishy

Warnings for violence and death and other elements associated with war and combat. (you're probably wondering where that fluffiness comes in)

Ladies and gents I present you with chapter one of Still Worth Dying For (or the fic full of more line breaks than actual words)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OITNB, I also borrowed some dialogue from the Lucky One which I also do not have ownership of.

* * *

' _Save your heart_

_For someone who leaves you breathless_

_And I know that you're scared_

_Seems like someone said you had it in you_

_All along you said you knew this was wrong_

_**But still worth dying for** _ _'_

_\- Mayday Parade 'save your heart'_

* * *

It's a night raid, she's always hated night raids the shadowy darkness was like a whole other enemy in itself, the darkness was like a blanket concealing unexpected attacks and traps. She's crouched down beside a crumbling wall with four or so other soldiers beside her. Everything is deathly silent save from the ragged breathing coming from herself and the men next to her and the harsh whisper of commands from the radios.

They are given the command to move in, she jumps up with the platoon as they creep into a derelict sandstone building. Rifle mounted torches flash everywhere as doors are kicked in and terrified whimpering civilians are moved aside. She is completely focused on the task at hand, moving swiftly through empty rooms. The heat is sweltering even at night but after five long years she is more than used to it, the sound of bullets and the constant pumping of adrenaline feel more like home than home does now.

Gradually the scared sounds of the civilians die down, it's completely silent now. She's come to hate the silence it's chilling and no longer peaceful, she's taken to sleeping with an MP3 player to drown out the silence that sends her heart racing and her palms sweating.

They are signaled to stop, she glances to the right at the soldier beside her his name is John Bennett, a young soldier who enlisted around the same time as she had, they'd been on one other tour together and she considers him her friend. Suddenly she hears gunfire loud and juddering, there are shouts and groans as deadly bullets whiz back and forth, men are dropping like flies beside her. Her guns jerks horribly in her hands as her fingers tightens on the trigger on autopilot.

Commands are being howled,

_Stay left! Coming through!_

_Secure the hallway!_

_Move!_

_Man down!_

McIntyre falls first with a large part of the sandstone wall falling on top of him, he is injured but still alive but she is too far away to do anything. A female soldier she is unable to identify runs to his aid before she is shot. Alex is frozen with her finger pressed down on the trigger. Beside her Bennett falls with a gasp, she covers him as medics run to his aid.

_Just keep shooting,_

_Don't stop,_

_Keep shooting,_

Alex jolts awake in a panic, cold sweat is dripping down the bridge of her nose, her mp3 player is quietly playing music through her earbuds. She sits up in her cot and glances around at the sleeping women around her hoping not have woken any of them. Nightmares were a common occurrence for all of them, but Alex didn't want to wake anyone, they got little sleep as it was already and Washington had a bit of a temper when it came to disturbing her sleep. Alex quickly threw on a light blue shirt with 'ARMY' emblazoned on the front and walked out the tent.

It's still early and no one else is up yet, the sun is just a speck on the horizon just about to rise to signal the start of day. It's warm out but not the wilting heat of the day. She feels almost peaceful watching the pale pinks and purples merge in the sky, its beautiful almost  _too_  beautiful to be in a place like this, a place full of death and destruction and _pain_. She opens her water canteen and sits on the dusty floor to watch the sunrise. This was her third tour, she had enlisted into the US army straight out of high school. Her mother, Diane had had cancer and they had no way of paying for the treatment the hospital had been offering. Alex had enlisted and used the money to pay for her mother's treatment.

Alex bounced a fist on the parched ground and laughed bitterly, it had all been for naught though as her mother had died a years later. She would never be able to forgive herself not being able to be with her mother during her final days.

She cast her forest eyes back up at the sunrise, she couldn't dwell on it. In a place like this there was no room for distractions.

She had to keep moving

* * *

They are sat in the large briefing tent waiting to be addressed by the lieutenant. Alex is sat next to Bennett who is back in action after healing from a minor gunshot wound sustained during the night raid a few months ago. She snaps her knuckles and leans back in her chair.

"You know you can get arthritis from doing that" he says with a slight cringe

Alex rolls her eyes good naturedly before snapping her neck just to get to him.

She hears a scoff behind her and turns to see Luschek behind her laughing. Luschek was a sardonic, unconcerned young man who as a teenager had been sent into the army by his parents after a stint with some heavy drugs. Frankly, Alex was amazed that he was still alive.

"Arthritis man really, I doubt any of us will live long enough to develop that" he laughs

Alex raises a brow, it's horribly morbid but very true. She's seen so much death in the past five years,  _too much_  death, she's seen things she wishes she could unsee.

Bennett opens his mouth to respond before quickly closing it as the lieutenant begins to speak.

"Morning, some of you may know this, some of you may not know but we have another squad joining the platoon tomorrow morning" The lieutenant was a stocky middle aged man with piercing grey eyes and a short buzz of silver hair "We're getting a few who've just come out of training, make them feel welcome show them the ropes and no foolishness, yes I'm looking at you Mendez"

A few hours later Alex is sitting at a table eating lunch trying to drown out the crude remarks the men behind her are making regarding the potential women who may be joining the platoon.

Luschek looks at her with a frown "hey Vause you're" he makes a vague gesture with his hands "aren't you"

Alex frowns, she has no idea what Luschek is trying to say, but that's pretty standard with him "What?"

He looks mildly uncomfortable under her intense stare "you know batting for the other team, on the softball team…" he continues on, each euphemism even more obscure than the last.

She's amused and she can see that some of the others are as well, her sexuality wasn't something she shied away from quite the opposite actually, in fact it only seemed to make her more popular with the guys.

"You're asking me if I'm gay?" She says bluntly and it's less of a question and more of a statement

Luschek picks up a sandwich and takes a large bite "are you?" he asks seemingly indifferent. The sandwich filling falls out onto his lap and he curses as he attempts to clean it off.

"And you wonder why" she jokes

Another voice, a kid still in his teens laughs "it sucks though, because Vause takes all the girls"

Alex's mouth curves upwards into a smirk "What can I say, I'm very charming"

"Charming my ass" grunts Luschek still trying to wipe mayonnaise off of his trousers "you're an asshole, but that doesn't matter when you're hot"

* * *

Its mail day and soldiers are gathered around a large crate eagerly awaiting mail from their loved ones. Alex however was not among those awaiting mail, the brunette was sat off to the side quietly and methodically cleaning an assault rifle, it was a ritual that had been drilled into her from the start.

_Point the muzzle away_

Alex didn't get letters she was one of the few that didn't, her last letter had arrived 4 years ago, a short formal letter from her distant aunt informing her that her mother had passed away.

_Empty the chamber_

Turns out her mother had been getting progressively worse for a while and knew that she didn't have long left. She never did let on in any of her letters though, never told her daughter that she was slowly dying. Her mom had probably reasoned that she protecting Alex by not telling her, maybe she was scared that her daughter might have done something reckless.

_Pull the bolt back_

She was completely alone now, no mother, no father, just a few distant relatives who couldn't give a damn about her. It was just her now and she had nothing to go back to,  _no one_  to go back to.

_Dismantle_

This was what she knew, it was  _all_  she knew,  _all_  she had. If she hadn't had enlisted she would most likely be selling drugs, in prison or in some other unfavorable situation.

_Wipe_

The bench suddenly lowered with a squeal as additional weight is added, she glances up and sees Bennett sitting beside with uncharacteristically wet eyes, he's clutching something tightly in his fist.

"You ok?"

He nods once before carefully unfolding his fist to reveal a photo of a smiling baby "it's my daughter, she turned one a few days ago" Alex can see that he's holding back tears, that's probably the reason why he came to sit with her knowing that she wouldn't judge him if he failed in reigning in his emotions.

_Spray the solvent_ ,

Her hands are working on auto pilot now.

"She's cute" she says and Bennett nods smiling brightly

"She looks just like her mom you know"

Suddenly Alex feels a lump forming in her throat, Bennett had something to lose, a lot of these people had things to lose, people who _depended_  on them. She hates it when children lose their parents to  _this_. Alex knows she can't save them all but in this moment she silently vows to herself to do everything and  _anything_ she can to make sure Bennett makes it home.

Someone should get a  _chance_  at a happy ending.

* * *

She's outside lifting weights with Luschek and Watson a young black girl who joined the army a couple years back to avoid a prison sentence when the new squad walks by. Luschek and Alex immediately stop to observe the new soldiers.

"Hey! You're meant to be spotting me, not leering at women you pervert!" shrills Watson, Luschek simply gives her the finger and continues in his leering.

Alex can tell who the newbies are by their wide eyed glances and from the exhaustion plastered on their fresh faces.

"Hey ladies, if any one of you ever need a shoulder to cry on I'm here" yells Luschek wagging his eyebrows as a few females walk pass. Alex rolls her eyes and wipes at her sweaty brow with a cloth before her green eyes suddenly lock with a pair of cerulean. The eyes belong to a striking blonde, Alex winks at the blonde woman who proceeds to stumble forward into the back of a large bulky man. Alex chuckles and looks back at the blonde who is squeaking out apologies before looking away as she disappears into the tent.

Several minutes later Alex strolls back into the womens's tent and spots the blonde from earlier struggling to make her bed, Alex holds in laughter and saunters over to the woman.

"You need some help?" she asks with a raised brow

The woman squeaks and jumps at the sudden voice before composing herself "no, no I'm fine I've got this" she says firmly

"Alright" Alex sits down on a chair nearby and watches the blonde with an amused expression "it must be hard making a bed for the first time"

The woman narrows her eyes "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I mean you probably had maids doing that for you right" now she cannot hide her smirk

The blonde gives her a death glare before continuing to struggle with the mattress. She's attractive and has this adorable furrow in her brow. Alex's eyes roam over the woman unashamedly before Alex gets up deciding to put her out of her misery.

"Here let me help you"

"I said I got it" she says determinedly, their eyes meet again and it's strange and comfortable and just feels  _so right_.

Alex pushes her glasses up to rest on her head "Everyone struggles on their first deployment, let me show you the ropes kid"

The blonde gives a sheepish smile and it's the most amazing thing Alex has seen in a while "Is it that obvious?"

She nods and the blonde lets out a short puff of air as she finally gives in "ok, and If you must know we didn't have maids" she said empathising the 'S' "we had  _a_  maid" Alex laughs

"Got it" she helps put the sheet over the thin mattress before turning to the blonde once more "So Chapman, what are you doing in a place like this?"

"How did you know my name?" she asks defensively

Alex points to the blonde's neck "It's on your dog-tag"

She looks down at the tag "Ah" the woman peers closely at Alex who tugs her glasses back over her eyes feeling slightly uncomfortable under the blondes inquisitive stare "Who are you?"

Alex holds out her hand "I'm Vause, Alex Vause"

 


	2. I swear that I came so prepared (to be here by myself)

**A/N:** I'm overwhelmed with the amount of positive reviews for this fic, thank you so much. Here is the next chapter it's a bit longer and some Vauseman seeds are planted. (shorter fics mean quicker updates :D)

I hope this chapter isn't too cheesy writing cute stuff isn't really my thing I prefer to stay on the more angsty, depressing side of things.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OITNB, I've also borrowed some dialogue from The Lucky One which I also do not have ownership of

* * *

Bullets are soaring pass, sand is in her eyes. She's is acting on instinct, muscle memory taking over. Missiles shatter in the distance creating deadly fireworks in the sky. The sky is no longer blue but a deep scarlet. She can hear screams, petrified child screams. She's panting now, a hand tugs on her arm screaming at her to get down. Its only when she stops and crouches down does she notice the blossoming crimson stain in the middle of her chest, how did that happen? When did that happen? She doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to die  _here_.

Alex wakes up with a small gasp, she stays dead still panting into the pitch black night, she runs her fingers through her dark hair. She isn't used to it being down free from the tight bun it's always in. She fumbles around for her glasses, more out of comfort than practicality as it's still too dark to see anything.

Her ears perk up as she hears movement to her left, she squints around and can just make out Chapman sitting up on her bed, Alex contemplates ignoring her and going back to sleep but she finds her legs moving towards the blonde of their own accord.

"Everything ok?" she whispers approaching the blonde

Chapman jumps up letting out a slight gasp "jeez, Alex you- I mean Vause you scared me"

Alex lowers herself onto the cot beside the blonde and gives her a playful shove "again, really I must be on a roll" she suddenly sees a flash of white teeth indicating that she is smiling "And Alex is fine, as long as I can call you Piper"

"Sure" Piper looks back down at the bed and Alex can almost feel waves of anxiety rolling off of her

"Want to go outside?" she asks standing up and offering her hand to the younger woman

She doesn't take it "Are we allowed?"

Alex just grins before pulling her up "come on kid"

They sit outside on the cool ground in silence, Alex can almost feel the scar on her chest burning and she has to physically stop herself from touching it. She had gotten it on her first tour, luckily the bullet had missed any internal organs and the shot had been through and through.

"I didn't wake you did I?" asks Piper breaking the silence

Alex shakes her head 'I wish you did' she nearly says, she could have done without the nightmare especially with it being the night before another risky raid "I was awake" she watches Piper's slim fingers fidget with the dog tag swinging from her neck "You having trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah" Piper leans back on her forearms "don't laugh, but I'm really nervous about tomorrow, like  _completely terrified_ "

Alex gives a tight smile "We all are kid, doesn't matter if you've been doing this for five years or five days, that never goes away"

Piper gives a self-deprecating laugh "I think I peed myself a little bit when I first got on the helicopter yesterday"

Alex chuckles "Well I barfed on someone my first day"

Piper's face scrunches up "Eww really"

"Yep, and let's just say that it wasn't a great first impression" the faint sound of US helicopters in the distance is the only thing stopping the silence. It was refreshing sitting with Piper, someone who wasn't yet jaded from war. Looking at her Alex could tell she was young, younger than Alex was, but much older than she had been when she was first deployed.

"Why are you here Piper?" the brusque question spills out of Alex without warning.

There was that cute furrow in her brow again "What?"

"Here in this" Alex gestures around "you never did say"

Piper sits up and a reminiscent look flows over her features "My grandfather was a marine. He died a few years ago, it was like he was the only one in my family who  _really_ understood me, everyone else just didn't care or were always too busy. It was all about appearances with my parents you know"

Alex nods she doesn't understand personally as she and her mom had had a close relationship growing up, Alex had been lucky in that way. However, she'd had a close friend growing up whose mother sounded the same, perfect appearance but scratch the surface and everything underneath was chaos.

Piper is wearing a soft smile on her face when she continues "When I was a little girl he used to tell me stories, a lot of them were about the war and thinking back I guess some of them were pretty horrifying, but I used to listen and think that that's what I want to be doing when I grow up. Something bigger than myself, bigger than dinner parties and holidays in the Hamptons" she gives a small shrugs "and I wanted to piss my parents off a bit"

Alex can't stop her amused laughter "the ultimate act of rebellion, hey don't be a housewife be a soldier"

Piper chuckles and shoulder bumps her playfully "What about you?"

She raises a brow "What about me?"

"Why are you here?"

Alex settles for a half truth "there was nothing else for me"

* * *

 

It's the morning of the raid and everyone is getting ready, Alex strolls pass Piper who is strapping on an ACU vest

"You don't look half bad in those"

Piper gives her a small nervous smile.

Alex suddenly stops next to the blonde a sombre look on her face "Listen kid, I'm not going to tell you that it will be ok because it most likely won't be. It'll probably be messy and awful and if you're unlucky painful" Piper face pales visibly and Alex places her hands onto the blondes shoulders her face just inches away "All you need to do is to watch the guy next to you"

"What do you mean?"

"It's how we work, we're a unit we watch each other's backs. As long as you have someone watching your back you don't have to worry about yourself, just the guy next to you"

* * *

They are squatted down inside some sort of natural trench. The structure they are about to raid looms a several metres in front of them, the place looks desolate and empty but Alex knows that appearances can be deceiving.

A soft beeping sound is the only warning they are given before everything explodes.

They are under attack.

Grenades fly back and forth like a deadly game of hot potato, Alex throws herself flat on the rough ground her rifle in front and begins firing. She tries not to focus on what's she firing at she never does, the moment she starts to think of  _who_  not  _what_  she's shooting at she's sure she'd lose her nerve. She can't think of them as someone's  _sibling_ , someone's  _husband_ , someone's  _father_.

They are soon given the command to retreat, they are under too much fire. Alex begin to quickly withdraw narrowly avoiding being shot in the leg, she hears someone fall beside her, its Quinn one of the new soldiers, she's been hit and she's on the floor writhing.

Alex runs to the woman's aid radioing for medical help, she tries to stem the bleeding but Quinn's been hit twice, she needs more hands. Alex looks up through the dust and smoke and sees Chapman squatted down not far away a wide eyed look on her face.

"CHAPMAN I NEED HELP!" she yells but Piper doesn't respond, doesn't even twitch.

"CHAPMAN" she yells again more frantically this time, she needs help or this woman will bleed out underneath her. Alex looks down at the woman whose eyes are now beginning to close, she shakes her desperately. "Talk to me, Quinn. It's Vause, we're going to get you out of here. You'll be fine"

"CHAPMAN GET OVER HERE NOW!" she roars

Suddenly the injured woman gasping beneath her is no longer Quinn, suddenly she has light brown hair and grey eyes, suddenly she has a smattering of freckles across her nose.

Suddenly its night and Alex is on her first tour again, there's an explosion and everything goes white and there's a ringing in her ears. Her vision clears and the sight before her is nightmarish.

There are bodies everywhere.

Someone is crying out for help but she can't move and the ringing is still in her ears. Someone is moaning her name, the sound drenched in pain. She looks up and it's Sylvia a few metres ahead lying on the ground covered in blood. She is calling her name she needs help but Alex's limbs do not seem to be listening to her.

Suddenly there is another explosion a few meters in front of her and this time it doesn't go white, instead it all goes black.

"VAUSE!"

"VAUSE!"

Alex snaps back to reality, there are medics crouched besides her tending to the wounded woman

"YOU CAN LET GO NOW" the medic yells at her over the deafening sounds of combat Alex removes her hand off of the woman's wound and lets the medics work. She catches Piper watching her, her chest moving rapidly, her face a picture of guilt and despondence, Alex however quickly breaks eye contact, she needs to keep moving.

* * *

They are back at camp and to say Alex is in a foul mood would be a gross understatement.

"What the hell was that earlier Chapman!" she barks as the blonde walks pass

Pipers head snaps toward her and she gapes like a fish for a few moments before answering "I'm sorry I just froze"

"You froze?" Alex laughs and it's a harsh grating sound "You don't have time to freeze when you're out there"

Piper shrinks back "I know, I know"

"No you don't!" suddenly there is a small crowd of people listening in "your actions might have costed someone their life"

Piper looks like she's about to cry.

"Ok, ok Vause come on" she can hear Bennett, he grasps her elbow gently and begins to move her away from Piper.

"If that girl dies that will be on your head and you will have to live with that!" she snarls before marching off. She has Pipers scared expression etched into her mind as she begins assaulting a punching bag in their makeshift gym. Her anger hadn't all be aimed towards Piper, the majority of it was aimed inward but Alex's strong suit had never been dealing with emotional chaos, so she had taken it out in on Piper instead, her own insecurities and feelings of guilt fuelling her anger.

She had frozen during her first tour, they had been ambushed and she had frozen, her actions costing Sylvia her life. Sylvia had been one of Alex's closest friends, they'd fooled around a few times and while Alex didn't love the brunette romantically she had always looked up to the older woman. Sylvia had been the closest she had ever been to a person since she enlisted. What had happened earlier with Piper had reminded her of that. She lands a final punch against the bag before stilling it. She knows that she has to apologise to Piper, if something did in fact happen to Quinn it would only make things much worse for the blonde and she didn't deserve that.

* * *

After asking around for a bit Alex finally finds Piper jogging around the track, she's fast and has good stamina. She watches the blonde for a couple minutes as she runs around the track with Watson before Watson strides ahead with a smug smirk as Piper is left in her dust. Piper glances over to Alex and jogs over apprehensively as the brunette gestures her over.

"You're fast" says Alex getting ready to swallow her pride,

"Look Alex about earlier-"

"I'm sorry" Alex blurts out cutting Piper off

"Wait, what?" she sounds genuinely surprised

Alex adjusts her glasses, apologising wasn't really her thing "For yelling at you earlier"

There is a bead of sweat trailing down the side of Piper's face, Alex watches raptly before it is suddenly wiped away "But you were right, I shouldn't have froze it was dangerous"

Alex sighs and looks away "Maybe, but it happens to everyone, it wasn't your fault and I shouldn't have flipped on you"

Piper's eyes are narrowed curiously "Why did you?"

Alex feels a lump in her throat "That's a story for another day kid" she mutters before holding out her hand "Are we ok?"

A strange expression crosses Pipers face before she quickly sprints off and comes back clutching a basketball with a large smile "beat me and we will be"

Alex grins this girl was full of surprises "Pipes I'm like twice your height, I  _can't not_  win" it should alarm her how easily the nickname slips pass, it doesn't.

"Promises, promises" she singsongs

"Oh you're so on Kid"

It turns out Piper wasn't bluffing and did in fact win, when Alex had inquired about her unexpected skill she had merely shrugged and called it a hazard of living with two brothers.

It's a few days later and things have been relatively peaceful for the platoon. There is music playing and Alex is watching the men and woman out and about entertaining themselves. Its evening so a warm amber glow has been cast over. After apologising to Piper things between the two had been good and no hard feelings were harboured on either side. Over the last few days Alex had been able to get to know the cheerful blonde even better. She had discovered Piper's terrible case of foot in mouth disease while the younger woman was talking to Washington and Watson about the irony of the common phrase 'the road less travelled'. Alex had had to quickly step in and remove the blonde before she put a downer on anyone else's day.

Her eyes flickered over to Bennett and Piper who seemed to be involved in an intense game of blackjack, a soldier went over to Bennett and said something she couldn't hear to him.

Bennett got up from his seat and glanced in her direction "Hey Vause can you take over?"

Alex nodded and sat opposite the blonde who smiled at her sudden appearance

"Hello Alex, I thought you'd be off counting bullets or something"

Alex rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, she had gotten the reputation of being a bit too intense which was mostly true. Usually Alex would give an unpleasant retort, but she seemed to have a growing soft spot for the naïve blonde.

"Well the NATO's and I are taking a little break"

Piper smiles in mock sympathy "Aww, and I really thought that you guys would work it out this time"

Alex glanced down at her cards with a chuckle "Wow Bennett really sucks at this"

Piper narrowed her eyes "I can't tell if that's meant to be a bluff or not"

Alex holds the cards up to her nose and frowns "Am I crazy or do these cards smell faintly like urine? Smell that" she holds them up to Piper's face

"Ew! Stop it" she squeals trying to bat them away "Get it away from my face, that's disgusting!"

"What? Is it bringing back memories? Piss running down your legs in the helicopter, maybe?"

Piper's hands are waving wildly "Stop it!" she giggles

Alex lets out a loud burst of laughter "Like a rainbow!"

"Alex gross!"

Suddenly Piper's hands are on top of Alex's and its silent, Alex quickly removes her hand before putting down a few cards

"Last card"

* * *

Piper had gone off to the toilet after the game leaving Alex watching some of the guys including Bennett dancing shirtless to some pop song. Her thoughts drifted to the blonde, she didn't know what _this_  was, she could tell herself that they were just good friends, that she was just looking out for her like any good soldier would do but then that was only half the truth. She didn't know what this was and she was even less sure of whether she liked where it was heading, she hadn't spent this much time with one girl that hadn't been a quick hit and run since Sylvia. Alex didn't do feelings and all the messy stuff that came with it  _especially not here_.

However, she still gets up and follows the blonde to the toilet telling herself that she just wants to make sure she's ok. As she approaches the block she sees Piper outside the women's toilet arguing with Mendez. Alex rolls her eyes before pushing pass the mustachioed man to stand beside the blonde.

"Everything ok?" she asks

"Vause you can join in" he says his tongue flicking out of his mouth like a lizard

Alex raises a brow, she had an idea where this is heading "Join in?"

"The perfect threesome"

"Eww, no go away you pervert" she says taking Piper by the arm and pulling her inside the cubicle

"Thanks" says Piper once they are inside and the door is shut

Alex waves her off "Its nothing, the guys a creep, I'm surprised no one tried to castrate him already"

Piper giggles and they stare at each other for a bit the lights whining and flickering in the background "I'll just" she says awkwardly gesturing to the stall

"And I'll just be here waiting, your own personal security"

Piper's face creases in disgust "But you'll hear me pee"

She can't help but laugh "Really, Piper that's your biggest concern in a war zone. It doesn't matter if all my limbs get blown off but god forbid someone hears me peeing"

She hits her playfully "you're an asshole, you know that right?"

"Go toilet Pipes, I wouldn't want you to wet yourself... again"

"Ass!" she yells closing the stall door

A couple minutes later Alex sees the reflection of Piper coming out of the stall in the dirty mirror, she turns around and leans against the sink "no accidents?"

Piper washes her hands all the while glaring at the taller woman "Who are you?" she asks suddenly

Alex frowns "I'm Alex, we already met a few days ago, did you hit your head Pipes?"

Piper takes a step closer and suddenly it feels as if all the air has left the room "Come on, you know what I mean. You know so much about me but I only know your name, and that you suck at basketball of course" she adds with a grin

"Watch it kid"

"Who are you, are you trying to be some kind of enigma?" she takes another step closer

"those are your words not mine" she whispers

"I want to figure you out"

the edge of Alex's lips curl up into a smirk "You can try"


	3. Keep Me Close (because i'm the closest thing that you've ever known)

**A/N:** I present the calm (a few chapters?) before the inevitable storm.

* * *

It doesn't really occur to Alex how much time she has been spending with Piper until Luschek brings it up out of the blue one day while they are inventorying equipment.

"So you and the blonde have been hanging around each other a lot" he picks up a rifle scope which Alex ticks off of a clipboard.

"The blonde?" she asks absentmindedly fully focused on the task at hand

"Chapman"

Alex freezes before quickly catching herself hoping desperately that Luschek wouldn't notice "You jealous or something" she says with forced indifference.

He scoffs loudly "Of your new girlfriend? Hell no! Girl on girl action is hot and I'm always up for a bit of surveillance, if you know what I mean" he lets out a slight chuckle causing Alex to roll her eyes.

"She's not my girlfriend" her voice is firm, she throws him a large ACU helmet with a tad bit too much force, however the helmet is easily caught with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah and I've never been shot at"

Alex points a sheathed bayonet at him "Less talking and more doing, I haven't got all day Luchik" she says purposefully mispronouncing his name

He narrows his eyes in annoyance "Its Luschek and you know it"

Despite Alex's protests the larger man had been telling the truth, she and Piper had been spending a lot of time together lately. Most of the time Alex hadn't meant to run into the blonde but found herself unable to walk away from her once she had.

This had happened fairly recently when Alex had passed Piper by in the shooting range.

_Alex drags her feet as she wanders around the camp halfheartedly looking for Washington. As she approaches the almost silent shooting range she spots Piper's slim figure lying on the ground. The brunette watches on in amusement as the blonde removes her ear defenders and eyes the target with a slight frown._

_Alex walks over to her silently and crouches down beside her, her mouth mere inches from Piper's ear "Your accuracy of fire is off kid"_

_Piper bolts up from her position on the ground with a gasp "Alex! Don't do that, I could have shot you!"_

_Alex observes the human silhouette target with a slight head tilt "Um, Pipes you'd probably miss" her shots weren't that bad but Alex liked to get under the younger woman's skin._

" _Funny Al" she says dryly and Alex raises a brow in slight surprise, the nickname was a new development._

" _Want help?"_

_She shakes her head "No its ok, Peters said he will help me out later"_

_Alex feels a small and completely uncalled flare of jealousy, she's confused and more than slightly annoyed at her reaction, Peters was a good guy who just wanted to help a fellow soldier out._

_Piper is smiling strangely "Something the matter Al?"_

_She quickly snaps out of her internal thoughts and dons her trademark smirk "No, but I think that I'll just stay here and watch for a bit, maybe I'll even pull up a chair"_

_Piper scowls and it's the most un-intimidating expression she's ever seen "I don't think that's for the best, I wouldn't want to accidentally shoot you"_

_She places a hand to her chest in mock hurt "You wound me Pipes"_

" _See you later Alex" Alex can almost hear the fond eye roll in Piper's voice as she walks off_

"Is that everything?"

Alex's heads snaps up, Luschek is looking at her expectantly "What?"

He gestures to the clipboard "Is everything accounted for?"

She nods in confirmation "Yes, it's all good"

"You know Chapman is probably straight"

"What?" This suddenly was feeling more high school than army

He shrugs "my gaydar isn't ticking"

" _You_ have a gaydar"

He shrugs "It's useful to have"

She doesn't even dignify that with a response.

* * *

_Sylvie is lying in front of her drenched in blood, her eyes are rolled upwards. Mangled body parts are strew all around. Alex is completely focused on the desperate pumping movements of her fists pounding against Sylvie's chest trying to resuscitate her._

_Please don't be, please._

_Suddenly a hand shoots up grabbing at Alex's neck, its Sylvie, her eyes are white and lifeless but her lips are moving._

" _You left me"_

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry_

_Alex feels water seeping into her combat trousers, she glances down and it's not water but blood. Blood is surrounding her and its rising. The blood of everyone she'd killed, of everyone she'd seen die._

_Someone is attacking her._

Alex bolts awake in blind panic and before she knows it she has someone pinned beneath her. As the panic slowly fades she realizes that there is no enemy attacking her and that it is in fact Piper underneath her squirming with an arm pressed against her neck. Alex jumps up off of her, she is horrified and her heart won't stop pounding.

"P-Piper what…?!"

Piper is holding both of her palms up in surrender "I'm sorry, you were crying out in your sleep and I tried to wake you and-"

"Did I hurt you?" she cuts Piper off raking a hand through her hair roughly in an attempt to ground herself in the present.

Piper sits up with a shake of her head.

"Piper I could have seriously hurt you" her voice isn't angry but strangely hollow and emotionless.

"I'm sorry Alex, you were having a nightmare… you just sounded so scared"

She takes a deep shuddering breath and glances around to see if she woke anyone, Watson is half awake and glowering at her.

She grabs a hold of Piper's hand and leads her out the tent "Let's go"

They are sat down just outside the tent again, she still feels shaky and on edge "I would kill for a cigarette right now"

Piper looks up at the sky for a long while before speaking "You know I could never really see the stars back at home. I always wanted to but I guess it was the light pollution or something"

Her head is tilted upwards towards the night sky exposing her delicate pale neck, Alex's eyes unwittingly begin tracing a path from her chin all the way down her collar bone.

"They're so beautiful and there's millions of them up there, it makes us seems so small in comparison. You know I read somewhere that all the stars visible in the night sky are all bigger and brighter than then our sun and that's why we can see them from earth"

Alex is completely captivated as she listens to the blonde speak. She has this childish quality about her as her voice speeds up and become more animated as she becomes more and more excited. She knows it sounds clichéd but her blue eyes almost seem to be sparkle like the ocean, no, not like the ocean, like an  _oasis_. She was an oasis in this sweltering agonizing war-zone. Alex had been trying so hard to fight whatever  _this_  was building between them but right now she can't think of a single reason to keep on fighting it.

"What did you study in collage?" She asks after Piper has finished speaking

Piper's expression morphs into one of confusion "How did you know I went to college?"

Alex gives her a look that says 'seriously'.

"English literature" she answers after a while

Alex nods it was interesting choice, it sounded fascinating but seemed to have little job prospects aside from teaching "Did you like it?"

She smiles "I loved it, what did you study?"

Alex peers between them and notices that their hands are and just millimeters apart, a little closer and they would be touching "I didn't go college I enlisted straight out of high school"

"Oh" confusion momentarily flashes over her face "so was this something you always wanted to do?"

Alex lets out an incredulous laugh "This was something I never imagined myself doing, I had grand plans you know"

"So how did you get to doing this?"

She shakes her head not wanting to get into the specifics of it "Things were pretty rough for me at home, I had no choice"

"I'm sorry" She doesn't know how it happened or who initiated it, it could have been an accident for all she knew but their hands were no longer separate but touching, their fingers intertwined in a gentle lattice.

"I'm not" and she isn't talking about everything bad that had happened that had led her to this point, no, she is talking about how it enabled her to meet Piper. In a moment of bravery or maybe stupidity Alex quickly presses a feather light peck to the blonde's lips before getting up and going back into the tent

"goodnight Piper"

* * *

They are walking around in a nearby town, the platoon is getting to know the locals and trying to build trust, it will be easier to gather any information this way. Alex is always wary and on high alert in villages, years of service had taught her that you couldn't afford to trust anyone who wasn't a fellow soldier and even then that was sometimes questionable – she wouldn't trust Mendez with a goldfish let alone her life. Piper however being new and inexperienced had no such mentality and was happily interacting with the children who were crowded around her as she gave out candy and told stories. Alex watches on from a distance her eyes scanning the area constantly on the lookout for any potential threats. She doesn't feel comfortable being around this many moving parts but she's reluctant to leave Piper.

Luschek walks by with a smirk making a sound of a whip cracking before quickly moving on.

"Come on Pipes" she says touching her elbow as the rest of the platoon begin to move on, a few of the children back away warily as Alex approaches.

"I take it you like kids"

Piper nods "I do, I had lots of little cousins I used to babysit growing up, I liked it. Do you have any siblings or cousins?"

Alex shakes her head "No"

"Do you like kids?"

A shrug "From a distance"

Piper suddenly stops to wave at a lone child standing at the side of the street.

"Can I give him some candy?"

Alex finds it difficult to deny her anything "Be quick" she says. There is an uneasy feeling growing in her gut as she watches Piper approach the child. They hadn't seen any children pass this point and all the other kids had been grouped together, this was just a lone child.

Everything seems to happen in slow motion as the child drops a bag runs away. Alex's mind goes into overdrive and before she knows it she is running and yelling.

"BOMB! BOMB!"

Suddenly realization seems to come over Piper but it'll be too late, Alex runs straight into Piper and they go crashing to the ground rolling from the force of the collision. Alex positions her body on top of Piper's and clutches onto her tightly waiting for the inevitable explosion.

They are way too close to the bomb, it was more than likely that she would be seriously injured or even killed from the blast, but Piper would be fine and hopefully the rest of the platoon and locals would had heard her warning and run off to safety. As strange as it was she didn't feel panicked or terrified at the fact that she was most likely going to die in a few moments. Not that she wanted to die but she was more than satisfied to go saving someone else's life, and not just anybody's but  _Piper's_. She took a deep breath, burying her nose into Piper's hair. If she had to go she wanted to go completely surrounded by the bubbly blonde, her only regret right now being that she didn't get to know her better.

It soon became apparent that any explosion that would have happened should have happened already. Alex flexed her muscles, no searing pain and she was still very much alive.

There were muffled sounds coming from the blonde beneath her. Alex removed some of her weight off of Piper but wasn't quite ready to let her up, sometimes the explosion was delayed.

"I can't breathe" the blonde wheezed pushing at her chest

Alex sat up slowly and looked around, the bag was still lying innocently on the ground and everyone was gone.

"What happened?" asked Piper, Alex quickly took her hand and began dragging the panting blonde as far from the bag as she could. She spotted a few soldiers including Bennett gathered ahead behind a wall.

"What happened?"

He shrugged "no idea, we saw the kid drop the bag but we don't know if it actually is a bomb or if something spooked him and he ran off. The bomb squad is en route right now, we're not taking any chances"

Bennett looks down most likely observing their linked hands but Alex is too shaken to be bothered by that right now.

"ETA?"

"Two minutes"

She nods sharply before turning to the blonde "Piper are you ok?"

"I'm fine" she says firmly

* * *

Alex is alone in the gym jabbing at a punching bag when Piper approaches her

"You saved me"

Alex shrugs with a half-smile "Not really, turns out there was nothing to save you from"

Piper steps closer and stills the swinging bag. There is sweat dripping down her face and she is sure she smells unpleasant but Piper is looking at her like she hung the moon.

"You didn't know that at the time"

"No"

"You could have died" Piper's eyes widen as if shes just realising this for the first time "Alex you _would_  have died"

She sighs "Occupational hazard I guess"

"Thank you" and before she knows it Piper has pressed a quick peck to her lips and is gone.

"I'm so screwed"

* * *

After that she stops fighting it, Alex had never been one to believe in fate or karma or anything like that. She views herself as too much of a realistic and too jaded to believe that bad things happen to bad people or that people have their futures laid out for them. No, what Alex believed and knew to be true was that you have to fight tooth and nail to make something for yourself in this life. However, she can't help the small part of her that believes that she was always meant to meet Piper Chapman.

The rest of the week passes by in a blur something that had never happened before, a blur of blonde and bullets. After the bomb incident there had been a noticeable shift in the relationship between the two women just enough to nudge them over the line of 'just friends' and into  _this_. Nothing was official but nearly everyone seemed to be making small quips about Alex's new 'girlfriend'. Most of the time she can't bring herself to pretend to be annoyed.

Right now they were behind the barracks lounged out on the floor. Piper was resting her head on Alex's chest reading a worn copy of 'born to run'. It was one of the rare moments they got to spend alone together that wasn't in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning.

Piper places the novel on the ground beside her "I used to run in high school you know"

"Mmm" Alex threads a hand through her golden hair

"I was on the track team, I was pretty good" she says with pride "Hey Al, if we met in the real world do you think we would have been friends"

"In the  _real world_ , really Pipes" she laughs

She smacks her shoulder playful "you know what I mean"

She thinks about the question for a bit "no" she says seriously

Piper's face falls "no?"

"No" she repeats with a smirk

"Why not?"

"We would have skipped straight pass that stage Piper"

Piper's eyebrow shoot up "You sound very sure about that"

"Oh, I am" she says grabbing the blonde's hand

"Ok, how would we have met?"

"We would be at a bar-"

Piper cuts her off "-a bar, I don't even drink"

Alex raises skeptical brow "yes you do"

"Ok you got me, go on"

"I would see you from a distance and come over-"

"-with some smart ass comment no less"

"Obviously" she rubs circles with her thumb on the blondes hand

"A margarita"

"Sorry?"

"I would be drinking a margarita"

"So you're a tequila girl, that's interesting"

Piper tilts her hand in a 'sort of' gesture "We have a love hate relationship, what next?"

"I would completely woo you with my charming self-"

"-And your humility, then what"

She leans forward and whispers something in Pipers ear, who lets out a scandalized "What kind of a girl do you take me for"

Alex lets out laughter "You would totally do it"

"I probably would" she whispers with a smile


	4. You Took My Heart and Made Me Melt Again

It's the middle of the night when Alex's nightmare free slumber is interrupted by a series of whimpers and gasps. Alex flips onto her stomach pressing her face into the tough pillow in an attempt to drown out the disruptive noises.

"No" it's a small tear soaked plea. Even though monosyllabic word was but a whisper Alex immediately recognised the voice. It's the same voice that had quite literally flown into her life a few weeks ago, the same voice that could both infuriate and mollify her in equal measures, the voice that felt like  _coming home_ , something she was certain she forgot felt like until now.

Right now however, that voice was in absolute  _agony_.

Alex is up and creeping towards Piper's cot without a second thought. It's a journey she's made so many times for so many different reasons she could do it blindfolded.

_Four steps forward, 90 degree turn, three more steps ahead._

Piper is twisting around in her bed sheets, her mouth moving silently as she pleads with people who aren't really there. Her brow is creased in anxiety and the utter terror etched into her features tugs painfully at Alex's heart. She wants nothing more than to wake her instantly, she knows how terrifying it can be to be trapped in a hellish nightmare. The more rational part of her brain knows better than to suddenly wake someone from a nightmare.

She had been knocked unconsciousness when she'd attempted to shake someone awake in her early days.

"Piper" she hisses in an effort to rouse the younger woman, Piper however only begins thrashing around more frantically.

She cautiously inches closer to the cot wary of any flailing limbs "It's Alex, wake up" the thrashing begins to slow,  _result_

"Pipes!" she calls more firmly this time and Piper's rapidly moving eyeballs slow before snapping open.

"There we go" she says with what she hopes is a reassuring smile

"Al-Alex?" Piper stutters out, her voice is gravelly but there is a hint of relief as she utters the brunette's name.

"In the flesh" she jokes quietly trying to mask her worry "Are you ok? We can talk about it if you want I heard that helps"

Piper's fists scrub roughly at her eyes as she shakes her head weakly "I'm fine" Alex notes the slight tremor in her voice.

She lowers herself beside the blonde "That was unconvincing, you gotta work on your poker face kid"

Piper gives a small smile "Thank you for waking me"

She shakes her head softly "It was nothing"

Piper's gaze falls to the ground guiltily "I woke you didn't I?"

"You did" she says bluntly watching carefully as Piper's face falls before she quickly continues "but it's really nothing. I remember a few months back Luschek and a few of the others thought that it would be funny to wake us up with blow horns" she shakes her head at the memory "god knows where the bastard got a load of blow horns from"

Piper lets out a small giggle before quickly slapping her hand over her mouth glancing around worriedly as the sound reverberated through the small tent filled with sleeping women.

Alex swings her legs up off of the floor and onto the cot before swiftly crawling over Piper's horizontal figure.

"What are you doing?!" hisses Piper craning her neck behind to look at the woman who now lying beside her on the small cot.

"Resting"

Piper turned around fully to face Alex who was pulling the almost transparent duvet over her body "You can't rest here this is  _my_  cot, you're going to get us both into trouble".

Alex gestures around pointedly "Who's watching?" Piper's scowls and she can't help but rolls her eyes "Look kid, I'm  _exhausted_  and I can't promise that I'll be this civil if you wake me again. It's a win-win situation really"

Piper's scowl loses some of its intensity at the explanation "How'd you figure?"

"Well" she starts slowly as if speaking to a small child "I scare off the nightmares which benefits  _you._  That then enables me to be able to sleep in silence which benefits  _me_ , win-win"

Piper is now wearing a teasing smirk "And I thought that you just want to sleep with me" her smirk morphs almost comically into complete mortification and Alex has to jam her tongue into the side of her cheek to stop herself from laughing "I mean sleep  _next to me_ , in the same bed but… not like how it sounded, Alex stop laughing you know what I meant!"

_If only you knew._

Alex holds her palms up a smirk of her own on her face "Gee Pipes I just wanted to sleep without being woken up, I didn't say anything about the horizontal tango" Pipers head is in her hands "I mean  _of course_  I'll be up for it but I really think that between enlisting and staying up after lights out that it'll be too much rebellion for you to handle"

Piper glowers "Are you always this much of an ass?"

"Ok, I'll just go then" she begins getting up until she feels a firm hand tugging on her solid bicep

" _Stay_ "

Alex halts gazing down into Piper's cerulean eyes, that was the response she had been hoping for. Her reassurance that  _this_ whatever it waswasn't one sided, her assurance that Piper wanted her as much as she wanted Piper

"Say that again" she demands quietly

"I want you to stay" Piper whispers

Alex stares at her for a long moment before laying back down beside the blonde. They lay in silence facing one other for several minutes, as cot was intended for a single occupant they were squeezed together, their faces barely inches apart. If she had been facing anyone else then the situation would most likely have been painfully awkward, but not with Piper. She felt  _completely_  at ease with the blonde despite only meeting her a few weeks prior.

Piper soon began to fidget, her mouth opening and closing slightly signalling to Alex that she was trying to find the words to say something important.

She takes a deep breath before speaking slowly "You were right.. before, it was my fault"

Alex frowns in confusion "What was your fault?" she has a small idea of what Piper is getting at.

Piper looks away her face tightening "Quinn, you were right, if she dies it'll be my fault and I would never ev-"

"Quinn's fine" interrupts Alex quickly

_She could kick herself right now_

Piper's eyes snap back to Alex's "What?!"

She bites her lip nervously "I didn't tell you, did I?"

"No Alex you forget to mention that small fact that the woman I nearly got  _killed_  was fine!" she nearly shrieks out.

She presses her finger to Piper's lips making a shushing sound, the last thing she needs is everyone waking up. Realisation suddenly hits her "was that what you were dreaming about?"

Piper is silent, Alex takes that as confirmation.

She places a comforting hand on Pipers arm "She's fine Pipes, we got the news yesterday that she's in recovery. It was a nasty wound but she'll live"

Piper lets out a relieved exhale and it suddenly looks like a weight has been lifted off of the younger woman's shoulders "Thank god! I'm so glad Alex you  _couldn't imagine_. I didn't think that I'd be able to live with myself If something happened to her, I don't know what I would have done if she died."

Alex's jaw clenched "You would live, you would survive and keep going. You wouldn't have any other choice"

"Alex?" Piper peered into her eyes deeply shocked at the sudden change in the brunette.

"You wouldn't dwell on it because you  _couldn't_ " she continues her voice monotone

"Is... Is that what you did?" Piper's voice is soft and hesitant.

She pauses sharply, the only people that knew about what had happened were the people that had been present at the time. It wasn't something she spoke about with  _anybody_. But Piper wasn't anybody, and she was just  _so tired and sick_  of  _always_  having to be the strong and stoic one, holding  _everything_  in only to have them detonate in her face later one.

"Sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry" says Piper apologetically, mistaking her silence for annoyance.

"It's not what I did, it's what I'm  _doing_ " she says suddenly

She feels Piper's hand cover hers which is still resting on the blondes arm "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not so good at taking my own advice" she mumbles

Piper shrugs with quirky smile "Humor me"

She takes a deep breath mentally preparing herself, every time she thinks about it its always almost like she's back there in the sand grappling with her rifle "I was on my first tour" she gives a self-deprecating chuckle "I was a mess back then" and it was true she had been nineteen years old at the time, dropped head first into a hostile and aggressive environment still reeling from the revelation of her mother's most likely terminal illness.

"This woman… she kind of picked me up and showed me the ropes. She was nice and I was impressionable, she didn't laugh at me when I puked my first day or when I nearly shot myself with my own handgun. Eventually we got close,  _too close"_ she swallows harshly before continuing.

"We were doing surveillance one day, it was just meant to be watching and gathering intel no hostility no heat. But things got messy, we were under fire and there was a bomb" she makes eye contact with Piper for the first time since she started talking about what had happened "We got caught in the blast, she was lying there asking  _begging_ me to help but I  _couldn't move_ , I swear I tried" her voice breaks on the last word.

"What happened?" Piper's eyes were sympathetic and held no judgement and it was almost more than she could bear.

"I  _watched her die_  Piper"

"I'm sorry"

"Me too"

* * *

Alex is finally dosing off her arm slung around Piper who is nestled deeply into her side.

"Hey Al are you asleep?"

"Not anymore" she groans

"I need to tell you something important" Piper is looking up at her with tousled hair and Alex finds it adorable, so much so that she can no longer find it in herself to be annoyed at the younger woman for waking her for the second time this night.

"Shoot"

"I've got a boyfriend" she announces suddenly

It's silent for a few drawn out seconds before Alex responses slightly amused "I would be quite surprised if you didn't Pipe, you're quite a catch"

Piper smiles a slight flush crawling up her neck before her face quickly sobers up "I have a fiancée" Alex feels a surge of jealousy which she quickly stamps out or at least attempts to. Sure it sucks that Piper had a fiancée and didn't tell her but when would have been the right time? When they just met? 'Hello my name is Piper and I'm engaged, despite the absence of an engagement ring'. After they had first kissed? Nothing was official between them and she had no stake on the blonde.

"Alex?" she questions worriedly

 _She and the fiancée existed in two completely different_   _worlds_  "What's his name?"

"How is that important?"

Her face is completely serious when she responds "I want to know the name of the man I intend to steal you from"

* * *

Alex had sneaked back to her cot in the early hours of the morning. Breakfast had been filled with secret glances traded between her and Piper and knowing looks from Washington.

Its midday and she's with Bennett emptying the portable toilets, it was grueling but necessary work.

"Hey, do you remember Cheaver?" asks Bennett while scrubbing the many bottom reservoirs they had to work through. His voice was slightly nasal from foregoing breathing out of his nose to block out the gag worthy stench.

Alex frowns spritzing more disinfection into the chamber "Cheaver, the bald guy who got crushed by a Port-a-John?"

He laughs "Yeah, you remember that?"

Alex chuckles "Of course I remember that, I also remember you being terrified to piss in the Port-a-Johns after that"

"The thing nearly broke his back!" he exclaims loudly "I had good reason to be nervous"

"You were pissing around camp for weeks until someone caught you!" their chuckles die down "What ever happened to him?"

"I heard he went back home"

Alex nods "Good for him"

He shrugs "Not really, his wife left him for some ex-con and his kid went off the reservation for a while"

"Ouch"

"I don't want to be like that Alex" he says quietly

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to go home and find everything in tatters, hell I want to be able to actually make it home back to my family"

Alex stays silent letting him talk.

"I'm missing it you know, I'm missing my little girl grow up, I'm missing her first steps her first words, she probably doesn't even know who I am anymore!"

Bennett drops the reservoir and shakes his head "I'm thinking about stopping after this tour"

"You're going to quit" a large part of her doesn't want him to go, they've been close since their first tour bonding through mutual lack of experience. It was unlikely that their next tour would be together but they'd shared two so far so it was a possibility.

"I  _need_  to be at home with my family, Daya doesn't say anything but I know she's frustrated"

"Do what you think is best"

He nods sharply before changing the subject, something Alex is grateful for until she realises the subject topic "I overheard Washington and some of the other girls taking about you and Chapman"

"What did they say?" Alex's voice is calm doing nothing to give away the slight dread that's sprung up in her stomach. She's not sure that Piper wouldn't run for the hills if what was happening between them got out.

"Some stuff"

She raises a brow "That's not very clear"

"That's funny, that's the phrase they used to describe what was happening with you two"

Bennett gives her a knowing look "What?"

"What is happening with you two?"

She barely stops herself from rolling her eyes, this place was worse than high school " _nothing_ "

He looks unconvinced.

"I don't know!" she erupts "I have  _no_  idea. Which is weird because I'm usually very strict with this things but-"

"But she crawled under all your defenses and before you knew it you were smitten" he interrupts.

Her anger fades and she sounds more like a petulant child than a twenty-three year old woman "I'm not smitten"

"I just don't want this to blow up in your face Vause" and for the first time Alex  _needs_  to know what  _this_  was.

* * *

Alex's back slammed down onto the blue crash mat with a whoosh as the air was forced out her lungs.

She quickly jumps up ignoring the slight throbbing pain in her elbow from the blow "Nice, But I let you win"

Piper scoffs her fists raised in front of her face in the protective fighting stance "Why can't you just admit that I had you"

She bounces on the balls of her feet "Don't flatter yourself Pipes, I was going easy on you to get a feel of how you fight" Alex easily blocks an upper cut elbow thrown her way "You're fast at attacking but slow at delivering counterattacks"

Piper glares before launching a particularly powerful front kick that Alex barely manages to dodge in time.

"Pipes are you trying to kill me?!" She exclaims "You know I have enough people trying to do that right?"

Piper huffs wiping a bead of sweat off of her face "Just trying to wipe that stupid smirk off of your face"

Alex jumped to the right as the blonde swung another powerful kick in her direction

"Permanently?"

She drops to the ground throwing a leg out in a sweep kick which Piper gracefully leaps over "You tried that last time" She explains at Alex's impressed expression.

"The idea of Krav Maga is to counterattack as soon as possible to gain an advantage over your enemy. You have to target the body's most vulnerable points"

An expertly placed palm strike to the solar plexus has Piper doubled over, she quickly straightens bringing up her forearm up in defence while using the other arm to successfully land a hook punch.

Alex is smiling despite the hit "Better"

She glances to the side spotting an open water bottle with a smirk before quickly grabbing it and hurling it at the blonde who gasps suddenly drenched in water. Sensing the opportunity Alex quickly preforms another sweep kick this time causing the blonde to crash heavily to the ground. In a second she has her in a forearm choke on the ground.

"You have to  _always_  be aware of your surroundings" She whispers into the gasping blonde's ear

"That was dirty" she chokes out trying and failing to escape the older woman's grasp

She shakes her head " _Anything_  could be used as a weapon against you"

"I didn't realize I had to watch out for murderous water bottles Alex" she snarks out and Alex can't help but smile at her temper even when flat on her back.

She removes her arm off of the blonde's neck quickly divested her of her head guard, they were nearly nose to nose. Alex could feel the warm puffs of Piper's breath on her skin as she panted. She threw aside her own head guard before quickly placing her palms flat on the ground either side of Pipers head effectively trapping her underneath. Piper however made no move to move from underneath the brunette rather she reached up and gently tugged at Alex's dog tag twirling it between her fingers.

"Alex Vause" she reads the first line of the engraved metal tag slowly

Piper glides her hands up Alex's bare arms stopping at the edge of the rose tattoo peeking out of her right sleeve. Alex shivers as Piper begin tracing the rose leaves with her finger tips.

She grabs Piper's hand halting it in its journey before closing the short distance between their mouths, the kiss wasn't gentle and light like the times before, this was filled with hunger and desperation.

They broke for air staring quietly at each other while Piper's fingers continued their journey on her forearm this time travelling downwards towards a small string of words tattooed onto her arm.

"Still worth dying for" she read slowly "what does it mean?"

Alex rests her forehead against Piper's "if you're lucky I'll tell you later"

Through her shirt she feels Piper's fingers dance over her taunt stomach "How many tattoos do you have?"

"A few" she whispers pecking soft kisses to the blonde's neck "You're beautiful" she breathes

"Even all sweaty like this?"

" _Especially_  like this" she all but growls and Piper pulls her up from her neck back to her lips.

Alex reluctantly breaks the kiss "Do you love him?" she  _has_  to know

"What?" her pupils are large and dark

"The fiancée, do you love him?" she whispers against her lips her hand making their way up under Piper's shirt.

"I- I don't know, maybe?" it comes out as a question

Alex let out a small husky chuckle "I think that answers the question Pipes, because you  _always_  know"

She looks Piper dead in the eye with a sudden surge of courage

" _Always"_


End file.
